If You're Going to Puncture Anything...

More chemo + Collapsed Veins = Port

After six months of chemo, my veins finally threw in the towel. No amount of pep talks was going to convince them to take weekly chemo treatments for three more months. So today's the day. The much dreaded surgery to get a port implanted. And of course I'm too thin to get it in my arm, so I have to get it put in my chest. Sexy, right!?!? I swear, after this, I will seriously be the bionic woman!

And as with all surgeries, there are risks involved. I not only had to read about them in the consent forms I was signing, but I also had to hear about them from my surgeon. (Thank you, lawyers!) But you know what I could have gone without? Having someone tell me that when his grandma got her port implanted, the surgeon punctured her lung. "It was worse than having to get the chemo!" Ummm, seriously?!? Listen guys, just because that specific example was not listed on my top ten list, doesn't mean you should throw it out there and wait to see if it will make it!

But at the end of the day, that comment was actually quite helpful. Because when I met with my surgeon and shared the story with her, I was very clear in my instructions: "Dr. Curcio, if you're going to puncture anything, puncture the implant. And make sure you puncture both of them so there's no issue with insurance when I go in for the bigger implants!"

In all seriousness, I'm not nervous today. But I'll tell you what I am....STARVING!!!! I mean, 4:00 p.m. surgery time!?!?  Really?!?

When We Make Plans, God Laughs

2012!  A new year.  New hopes.  New expectations.  A new life without cancer.  A new life without chemo!

Until I met with my oncologist.  Apparently, although they only found cancer in 2 of the 17 lymph nodes they removed, there was more cancer in there than there should have been after 6 months of chemo.  And just like that, I was back on the roller coaster of cancer that I had just convinced myself I had already gotten off.

But what came next was almost too much to hear:  Three more months of chemo.

THREE. MORE. MONTHS. OF. CHEMO.

Three more months of nausea, vomiting, mouth sores, body aches, fatigue, special diets, low blood counts, injections and blood tests.  And because my veins are too weak to take weekly injections, I have to have surgery to get a port implanted in my chest.

My initial reaction was to give up.  No more chemo.  I would take my chances without additional chemo.  But then the emails and text messages and voicemails from friends and family came pouring in.  All urging me to continue to fight.  And then I got the best advice from my brother.  He told me to go back and read all of my previous blog posts, because it was in those posts where I could find the real me.  The woman who always fights.  The woman who makes others laugh in the face of adversity.  And most importantly, the woman who never, never gives up.

This is definitely not how I planned my 2012 to start off.  But it's true what they say, when we make plans, God laughs.  However, one plan I know God won't laugh at is me fighting for my life!