How Can Something So Good For You, Feel So Bad?

I did it.  Tonight was the first night I started Tamoxifen.  You know, the drug I have to take every day for the next FIVE YEARS.  The drug that helps prevent against the recurrence of my breast cancer.  The drug that means no children for at least five more years.  

The logical side of me knows that I'm lucky....lucky to have yet another weapon in my fight against cancer.  But the emotional side of me couldn't swallow the pill without shedding tears...tears that continue to flow even as I type this.  It's one thing to say you have to put your dream on hold.  It's another thing to physically force yourself to put your dreams on hold.  

At a time when I'm just beginning to feel like my life is coming back to normal, this is just yet another reminder of how much further I have to go in my fight.  A daily reminder of my battle.  A daily reminder to live life to it's fullest.  A daily reminder that I'm still alive.