God Never Gives Us More Than We Can Handle (The Diagnosis)

I've always believed that God never gives us more than we can handle.  But on Wednesday, June 8, 2011, for the first time in my life, I questioned that.  Because it was on that day (after multiple biopsies and several doctors dismissing the lumps under my arm pit and breast) that I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Breast cancer.  At 31 years old.  And not just breast cancer.  "Aggressive" breast cancer that had already spread to my lymph nodes.  The large, painful lump under my arm was not from an infection-it was a tumor.  As I sat across from my doctor on that ridiculously uncomfortable table, the only thought that came to me was "I don't want to die!"  

That day, and the days that followed were the longest days of my life.  I was continuously plagued with the same questions over and over and over again:  "How bad is it?"  "Where else has the cancer spread?"  "Why me?" "Am I being punished for something?"  "Am I going to die?"   My initial prayers (and pleads) were all tailored to the questions that were haunting me:  "Please God, don't let the cancer have spread."  "Please God, don't let me die from this." 

Before my diagnosis, I have always been (or at least tried to be) a very positive, energetic, hopeful and optimistic person.  One who loves winning more than anything, and one who would NEVER give up.  I hated what this was doing to my character and my spirit.  I hated feeling sorry for myself.  I hated feeling beaten down.  Most importantly, I hated feeling like I had given up.  That just was not me!

And so after several days of grieving, I decided enough was enough.  No one had ever told me that my diagnosis was a death sentence--and even if they had, I would not give up without a fight!  More importantly, I decided that what I was praying for was not what I should be focused on.  I mean, I would be lying if I said I still don't pray that I will beat this, but the most important focus is that I don't lose sight of what's important.  I truly believe that God never gives us more than we can handle-and I, and my diagnosis is no exception.  I now pray that God gives me the strength not to become angry with Him, or to question Him.  But to know that everything happens for a reason. 

After I beat this (because I will!), I will come out stronger than ever and use my experience to help others in the same situation.  There are lessons to be learned in both exciting and trying times.  The most important thing for me is to find those lessons and use them to become a better person.  That is something I promise to do.

One thing I have already learned from this experience is that with God, family and friends anything is possible.  I am truly, truly overwhelmed by the amount of love and support I have received since the minute I was diagnosed.  (I mean, the prayers, emails and messages I have received from strangers alone is unbelievable!)  I am truly blessed with the most incredible family and friends anyone could ever ask for.  I don't know what I did to deserve this outpouring of love, but I will never take it for granted.  The love and support of my family and friends is what WILL get me through this.  There are far too many people I need to repay.

So, thank you (you know who you are!) for giving me the strength, courage, faith and determination to fight like hell!  I promise to never give up or let any of you down!! 

Shey