When I first heard the words "breast cancer", my immediate reaction was to get it out of me as soon as possible. I thought waiting a couple of weeks to start treatment was way too long. But now, on the morning of my first treatment, I'm thinking it came a little too soon. I know that after today, I won't physically be the same for a long time.
The reality is, I am terrified. I am scared at how my body will physically react to the chemotherapy. I am scared of all of the side effects that are sure to come along with it. I am scared to look at myself in the mirror for the first time without hair. I am scared I will lose too much weight, or that my blood cell counts will drop too low. But most importantly, I am scared that it will not work. NAH-that's not going to happen!
As I sat down eating breakfast with my husband this morning, I started to cry a little. All of the unknowns got to be a little too much. I knew there was no turning back. But then, my husband (whom most of you know if one of the smartest people in the world) summed it up best: "This is the part where they make you better!" And he is right!!!
I've heard all of the stories of how tough chemotherapy is. And trust me, I believe it. And it scares me beyond words. But the truth is- I am stronger than it!! I know I have a very difficult road ahead of me. I have sized up my competition, and believe it will be my toughest competitor yet. BUT, I will not give in (ok, I'll probably have to throw in my hair!) and I will not give up! I AM going to beat this!! And I know I will because I have all of your love and support!!!
Today is the day I start getting better! And for that, I am truly grateful!!!
GAME ON!
Shey
Thursday, June 23, 2011
"This is the Part Where They Make Me Better" (Chemo-Round 1)
Posted by Sheyanne at 10:39 AM
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5 comments:
I'm sitting here with my beautiful wife and I could not be more proud of her! Already making the nurses laugh and already a favorite patient!
Dan
We are so proud of you!! There is no doubt you are going to beat this!!
XOXO Elizabeth
Hi, I came to your blog via a series of Net clicks beginning with May It Please The Court. I'm a retired federal lawyer and an almost 5 year survivor of breast cancer, so I thought I'd try my hand at an encouraging word or two.
I hope the chemo wasn't as bad as you feared and that you aren't having any side or after-effects. If you are --- complain. Don't wait,don't try to tough it out -- get ahead of the problem as soon as you can. There are lots of drugs that can help with nausea -- a friend who went thru lots of chemo swore by Zofran.
In addition to your faith, family, and friends, your biggest asset is that fine lawyer brain of yours. Become an expert on your own condition, research treatment or ameliorative steps you can take. Find a support group that makes sense for you -- on the net or in real life. There's a lot of support out there and with that comes wisdom and vital info -- where the good wig shops are, etc.
Always remember that you are not your cancer and that your life goes on despite this temporary, regrettable inconvenience. If you're an exerciser, keep at it, adjusting as necessary to the amount of energy and effort you have for this. If you're not, you might want to find something to do that reminds you that you ARE strong and reslilant.
Take it easy on yourself. This is a big deal and of course you're scared and nervous and unhappy. Don't beat up on yourself if you're depressed (who wouldn't be?). Find a good doc and maybe consider anti-depressant medication, anti-anxiety medication if you need it, sleeping assistance if you need that. There is a world of pharmacological assistance out there and it's a good thing to take advantage of it.
If you have any difficulty in being kind, forgiving, and tolerant of yourself as you go thru this treatment, try to keep your self-talk limited to what you would tell your husband or anyone you loved in a similar situation.
I certainly can't promise that this journey you're on is going to be easy or that other people --including me -- will say the right things to you. But I can promise that there is nothing like this experience for learning the value of the present moment.
I hope every single day will bring its joy and that this process goes easily and successfully for you.
Hang in there!
Carol
@ Dan - I can totally see Shey making the nurses laugh, it is impossible not to love her.
@ Shey - Hair is overrated, real women don't need hair to look good.
Sheyanne, your sense of humor never leaves you! :-) Even when I know you may not be feeling that great, you still have a way of bringing smiles to peoples' faces. Keep fighting strong! We are with you rooting you on, and you will win this battle!
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